“My Dad Looks Like My Gramps, But His Heart Is All Her…”

I know that my grandpas birthday is coming up, but he wouldn’t have been him without my grandma. This is all about her, and he would have it this way too: 

IMG_7226This time of year always reminds me of my grandma.. It’s probably because we always made it a point to see her often around the holidays. Especially after grandpa passed away. She looked great in red, but I remember her in blue the most. I remember walking into her senior home and knocking on her
door, waiting just a couple seconds as she walked to the door. She loved visitors. She always played host so well, always something to offer. Mostly stuff that wasn’t good for you, little candies and goodies. I remember going to see her and knowing I was going to be there for a couple hours, if not, between shifts. She didn’t care how long I was there just as long as I came to visit her. The tv was always on for background noise and she always had some type of plant to keep it homey. I miss her everyday, I know she is watching me as I raise my daughter. I’m sad that she wasn’t able to meet
Chloe in front of me, but I know before God gave me Chloe: they met in IMG_6926heaven. She knew I was going to get pregnant before I did. She had told one of my aunts and another family member that I was with child before I actually was. But she knew. I saw her almost everyday before she passed. Her and I both knew her time was almost up and having her as my last grandparent, I needed to take advantage of that. She always told me not to worry and she would be in a better place. She told me to be happy and that she loved me. I would look into her eyes and I could see her heart smiling. I hated leaving everyday knowing she would just sit there with her thoughts. She loved to talk. She loved to talk about what she had thought about all day, what she did that day, what other people did that day and any gossip in the nursing home.. I still remember the day I found out she passed away and joined the army of angels.. I was at my old job and had a phone call, I could hear it in their voice… Something was wrong. I knew it was her. Obviously, I left work and went straight home to my family.. This time of year is hard now. I can’t just go visit her like I would. But I believe when you think about someone who has passed they are in your presence.

When I would go with my dad to see her, I saw a kid. Her baby boy. He looks like gramps, no doubt.. But his heart, thats all her. I am proud to be in this family.

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Being Thankful For (almost) 8 Months and Counting…

Sometimes the days seem so long but in reality… after she eats five or six times, the day comes to an end. Then I look back in shock at how fast my baby girl has grown. I’ll put her to sleep and then take her out of the crib the next morning, she looks like she has grown over night. The things that take her a couple days to conquer seem like they happen so fast. First it was little things like finding her hands, holding her head up. Now its crawling and holding all her weight on all fours. I can’t believe that in 4 short months she will be a year old. I kind of feel victorious for accomplishing a whole year as a parent, like I should get some type of reward from the world. But there are people out there who do what I do ALL by themselves, with less resources… with nothing. They should get the reward. I have help, I have food to put on the table, and I have a job to provide for my daughter. Chloe is an “easy” baby so I don’t have it that rough, although because I am used to such a good baby, when we have hard days.. I feel like giving up.

I keep pushing because during the teething times and when she’s sick, I  tell myself that she is a baby and this is what they do. I would be acting the same if not worse if my teeth were working their way through my sensitive gums. And I am the worst when I’m sick. I have to remind myself through out the day that this is Chloe acting “bad”. I have a healthy and happy (most of the time) baby. People are out there dealing with kids who have disabilities, have kids who are terminally ill, or who have already lost a child. I am one of the fortunate ones. As are my friends who have kids. I hear so often mommy complaints.. I do it too. But we have SOOOOO much to be thankful for. Yea, our babies are fussy, or they are wakeful through the night. But they are alive, healthy, and happy. We have more than a lot of people do. We were able to have children. Do you know how many people would kill to have a baby?! I sometimes feel like complaining as well, and I’m not saying I haven’t… But I really have the best. I am truly blessed and I couldn’t be happier.. even on our “hard” days. Its so easy to pick out the hard times and negative things in our lives. We really should count our blessings.

I hope Chloe grows to be thankful, appreciative, and humble with what she has. I work my butt off doing different things to make money here and there. I hope she realizes how good she actually has it. I do too. Being able to provide for my little is the best feeling in the world. I don’t need to ask people for help but because I have it, I am sane. Someone out there always has it worse.

“If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.”          -Regina Brett

In conclusion, I do think it’s okay for you to complain… in moderation. We all have to vent, and  I totally get that.. I do however believe that if you think about something positive before you speak the negative.. you might not be in the mood to “vent” anymore. I am going to try and focus on the good rather the bad things because this is a problem I have. Its easy for me to instantly become bummed or upset over the “little” things when in reality there are way bigger things to be worried over.